A warrior's surrender

A new season, I believe, has come into my life on which priority realignment is at the core of my personal discourse. The search for meaning and significance—my goal of making a dent in the universe—which I have spent a long chase with has morphed from an idealistic, shot in the dark into a powerful, unrestricted possibilities that can actually be attained. And steps by little steps, I feel deep inside that the vision is becoming clearer each passing day. Surrender after surrender, I am going from strength to strength in Christ.

My byword for this specific season of my life of surrendering and seizing; of giving and taking; my personal battle cry that I would like to resonate up to the ends of the earth, is that this life as a journey can only be overcome with God at the center. I believe that every person faces a battle that must be fought and won. And these battles I believe will test every conviction, every principle, every virtue, and every character that we possess. There will be battles that will be fought specifically for us to realize the true nature of our faith and our loyalty. Our task is to overcome. Our task is to remain in the race. Our duty is to finish strong.

I am anxious but at the same time exhilarated to know that I am at the forefront of this raging battle for significance. And now that my personal journey as a reluctant warrior has been redefined not only by circumstances but by faith and obedience, I am more than hopeful and confident that the promised victory in all areas of my life has already come. It takes humility to see that. It takes submission to see the truth that God has something more for me so that I can be more for others. It takes a willing heart to be emptied of its selfish desires and fill it with more important things. And things that will last.

That may be too cheesy, too pretentiously idealistic, I know. But I know just full well too, that it is the only way, the only journey that is worth taking. And if there is one thing that I want my life to be consumed with--heartbeat by single heartbeat--it is with this upward journey with the King.

Vision, truth, faith, God. In today’s disillusioned world, all those things seem to signify nothing but an escape from the cruel reality of living, an attempt to give humanity to our already dehumanized existence. But without really believing wholeheartedly in these 'ideas', we will remain at a constant loss for meaning, and will forever be in a chase with what we think is most significant. There is more to it than the idea of false hope or blind faith than we dare to think. There is more to our notion of God than we care to believe.

As a warrior, I have the duty to pledge my undying loyalty to my King. I have a responsibility to stay on course and lead the way for others who dare to follow. And while I am doing that, I will consume every moment of the journey ahead: to learn, to give, to sacrifice, to fight, and to overcome.

I am a warrior all to the King!

Surrender and Humility: a warrior's greatest weapons (Google image)

The Call for Transformation

It has always been about transformation.

I'm now beginning to fully understand the nature of my new work, and I realized that it's not that far and different from the reason by which I would like to expend my energy with. I've been with the academe for four years before I decided to leave it more than two months ago, and I saw it as a powerful tool by which social and national transformation can be achieved. Now I saw too, in  a clearer perspective, that development work such as ours in the agriculture sector has the same power to push for the necessary transformation. Working in the development sector is lighting a single spark that has the potential to start a conflagration; it has the potential to send ripples of hope and could bring about waves of change to the entire nation.

Not only that development work is heroic; it is also satisfying. I learned that from the people who have invested their talents, skills, education, and literally their entire lives for the transformation of communities and the nation. I have heard their stories of passionate work to improve people's lives; their selfless service and dedication to see progress a reality; their love for their profession which to them is a sacred calling that gives satisfaction beyond the standards of this world. I believe in heroism all the more because of this living heroes who strive to give dignity to their fellow human being.

And I'm grateful to have met them. I'm grateful to be given a chance to work alongside them...besides, working for development of communities and people's lives is a universal calling not only reserved for few individuals but persons with a heart for others.

Although the call for transformation is an idealistic one, it is achievable. It is not a shot in the dark. For social transformation to be possible, there must first be a radical transformation of the individual. Personal transformation is a prerequisite I believe, to national transformation. There must be that revolution within individual consciences and individual values. That should be so, because social transformation transcends the individual. Gandhi said it before: we must be the change we want to see in the world.

The call for national transformation has always been the call for personal transformation.

Me and my new world: working for rural transformation and national rice self-sufficiency. 

The new breed of rice extensionists (AgRiDOC) who will work for the development of rice-farming communities, pose here with Dr. Gelia Castillo, National Scientist in Sociology; and Dr. Rex Navarro, after a day's session at the headquarters of International Rice Research Institute in Los Banos, Laguna.

The defeat of Death

(Google image: Death is only a journey to infinity.)

It's that season of the year again when people gets to remember their beloved departed. There's just that fascinating notion that resonates out of this human tradition where we try to once again relieve the memories of people who have gone ahead of us, and make a subtle attempt at reconnecting with them in ways not seem cognizant of the fact that they're now in a different world entirely.

But we keep on doing this not because it is a time-honored tradition but perhaps it is our own way of sending message to the living that we want also to be remembered when it is already our time to go. Isn't that among our greatest fear, not death itself but to pass on to oblivion and have no one to remember us? What is more tragic about death is when everything we are, what we have worked for, our dreams and ambitions will soon be forgotten after we are gone? We want to be remembered, don't we? Or at least the memories we will leave behind. At least the mark that we have impressed on people. But what kind of memories, what kind of legacy we want other people to remember about us?

I remember the first tragic death in the family that left an indelible impression in me. Trauma to be exact. I was in grade four when my paternal grandfather was sent to the other side. Yes, he was taken from us in the most sudden and most painful way. He was murdered. It is still vivid in my memory what happened that night, the countless shots of the automatic rifle, what anguish and torment filled the air as we try to comprehend what had just happened. Being the observant boy as I was back then, my mind tried to absorb every detail of what was to become a major turning point in my life. I hated guns from then on. I had an aversion to politics which has grown to indifference and utter lack of interest. Although I later majored in Political Science, that is only to primarily understand politics in our culture--politics which has killed some people closest to me. 

The second death in the family was the death of my uncle on my mother's side. I was in my freshman year when his body succumbed to disease. His kidney failed him, and after some weeks of fighting with it, he eventually gave up to multiple organ failure. It was a blow to the family, he was the first to go. And he was very young. He was 35. He was deeply mourned by relatives, friends and many people who said he was such a good man he doesn't deserve to go just like that. He deserves to live a long and fruitful life as a reward for being a good friend, a good son, a good brother to his siblings and a good uncle to us. But he went anyway. And I prayed hard that God will show strength.

I later realized, who can say that we deserve how and when we have to go? Are we actually in control of the events in our life that we can dictate how we will leave this world? Or isn't it true that what we can control is how people will remember us after we've gone? Are these impossible questions?

When a person you love is taken from you, never to be seen again, you attempt to let his or her memories alive by clinging to the past, by recreating their pictures in the faded avenues of your memory lane. And from there, you connect with them. It gives a superficial feeling that they are still here. Alive in our hearts.

And six years ago exactly this day, a death that was to become a major story in my personal history had happened. It was a death that has literally and figuratively shaken me, and rendered every belief I held so firmly to near destruction. It was a death that later taught me to reevaluate the mystery of life and the brevity of existence; a death so sudden and heartbreaking it led me to a point of questioning everything. But I came through with it. I held on to God more after that tragic day, and all the more in the troubled days after that. 

Well, she’s not even a family or a relative, but in her death she captured our senses in ways I cannot describe. In her death, she taught me invaluable lessons that I wouldn’t acquire even if I spend all the time comprehending the grand questions about life. Her very brief time on earth has taught me to look at my own temporariness, my own fading and withering away. Her sudden demise reminded me that life can’t be predicted, that it is complicated in its own ways. I have already written a story about her in the past, but I think a remembrance will be enough for now. And again today, I remember her.

Death is inevitable. That itself is a blaring fact.

But what has death only ever accomplish except the deterioration of our physical bodies, our temporal dwelling. What has death ever accomplish except that it is a game changer and only another beginning. And yet, even in the grave, death is defeated, for our memories will not die, our legacy will live on, and people will remember us. And in the eternal view of things, we are immortal, and we will say with triumph in the end: death where is your victory, where is your sting?

Of this I’m sure: I am not just made for here. I am made to last. I am made to live forever with the King.

(I wrote the first part of this in my journal last November 1, the all Soul's Day. Today was a friend's 6th death anniversary. I'm not trying to be morbid here, just remembering old memories. Yes, memories are nice, especially if they teach you lessons. Here's to all our beloved departed...wherever they are...)

Unstoppable!

Last Saturday (Nov. 15), I had the opportunity to co-host a youth event organized by the Christian Leaders Association in Munoz (CLAIM) in partnership with our church youth ministry, the Lakas-Angkan Student Organization (LASO). We have invited two special guests for the event. One is Pastor Pabs Dionisio, a prominent pastor/preacher in the Philippines, and the other is Paula Jamie Salvosa, the one behind that viral video of a girl berating a security personnel in an LRT station; the girl everyone knows as “Amalayer”.

And for this post, I would just like to highlight some of the lessons I got from their message and testimonies. As I have been blessed by their messages, it is my prayer that you’ll also be blessed and be refreshed as you continue to seek what our Unstoppable God has in store for you and for your generation.

The Unstoppable Team: a combination of undergrad and young professionals.

Unstoppable Destiny 

Pastor Pabs Dionisio focused on the message that all of us have a destiny waiting for us to seize and hold on to. He highlighted the importance and the urgency of discerning that destiny because our time is limited, and we have a responsibility with the time given to us. He said and I quote, “Your destiny is in the hands of the Lord, but time is in your hands.” Indeed, God has already prepared something for us, and it is up to us if we’re going to seize that by following Him, or we’re going to miss that destiny by following second-rate plans we have for ourselves. 

I learned that it is truly our choice how we may end up in our limited stay here in our physical existence. God will not even impose His choices to us because He has given us free will, an opportunity to decide for ourselves. He is not an authoritarian God who forces us to follow Him when in fact even accepting Him as Lord and Savior is a matter of personal decision. That’s why every time the gospel is preached, people have to come up with a decision. It is OUR choice whether to surrender to Him or not, whether we choose to live for Him or for ourselves. God will not make the choice for us, but He is assuring us and promising us that once we choose Him, He will prove Himself true to the promises He has for us. If we decide to daily choose God in every areas of our life, He will prove to us that it will be the best decision we’ll ever make. 

But there are “stoppers” along the way as we try to seize our destiny. As Pastor Pabs illustrated, there will be things in our lives that will try to block our way to our Promised Land. And just like the Israelites in the Bible who contented themselves in staying long at Mt. Horeb, not moving forward anymore, our journey today towards our personal Promised Land never promise to be an easy trek. The call of convenience and comfort can be appealing to us so that we don’t want to take risks anymore. There will be the call of discouragement that may dampen our spirits and may pull us away from trusting God. Or perhaps our greatest stopper and dead-end are our own, personal goals and ambitions that we chase, perhaps thinking that these are better than what God has planned for us. I’m speaking out of experience here because just like the Israelites, I also had been so contended with just me and my personal comfort, me and my ambitions in that I became so stagnant in my spiritual journey, always afraid of attempting risks for God. But I’m just glad that God made me realized that truly, He has greater plans for my life than I have for myself. I have realized that God knows better than me the terrain on the way to my destiny. And now that my chase around Mt. Horeb is over, I am now in pursuit with all that’s waiting for me in my promised land. 

There are two things that Pastor Pabs shared from the story of the Israelites at Mount Horeb found in the first chapter of the book of Deuteronomy that I want to reflect upon. If we are to possess our promised land, we should: 

a) “Break Camp”. To break camp means we let go of whatever situations that are holding us off from journeying towards our destiny. We must learn to surrender everything that keeps us from our potentials. We must have the willingness to destroy “tents” that keep us from seeing and following God. If something is drawing us away from God, then by all means, break camp! If our comfort prevents us from attempting great things for God, then by all means, break camp! 

b) “Advance”. Or simply, move forward. It means going forward not to the direction we think is better, not to the road we think is more comfortable, not to the terrain we feel is safer BUT to the direction where God Himself is leading us. We should learn from the Israelites themselves in their journey for forty years in the wilderness. They almost missed God’s destiny for them just because they refuse to follow God’s leading. We must at all times obey by faith, allowing God to direct our every step. 

Although on different levels, I believe that we all have different experiences in the wilderness. My personal journey with the Lord was also marked by periods in the wilderness, some even almost derailing my destiny in the Lord. I was in a constant chase between what I believe in and what I feel at the moment. I almost missed what God has prepared for me. I almost went all the way within the wilderness and traded my destiny for a second-rate existence. 

But you know what I learned? God is faithful. God is relentless in His promises. God is unstoppable. I may have ran away, but God didn’t give up. I may have chased wrong directions, but in every detour that I took, I’m glad He was there, too. He was and still is my greatest pursuer! Nothing can prevent Him from fulfilling His purposes for my life. And as I continue in my personal journey with the Lord and as I keep on seeking His will for my life, I realized that the God who created me has also imparted a distinct destiny for me. And for all of us. A distinct place in the world. A distinct purpose. A distinct calling that a person must pursue daily if one’s life should have meaning and significance. Let’s now stop the meaningless chase for ourselves and instead pursue God. 

With Pastor Pabs Dionisio

Unstoppable Grace 

She was just like the rest of us: was broken but was restored by God’s grace. Once a sinner, but now redeemed. Once living a life without meaning, but now living a life with a purpose. She is Paula Jamie Salvosa, the person behind the viral video “Amalayer”. 

Paula’s testimony best illustrated what the bible said: “what the devil intended for bad, God intended it for good”. I have to admit that when the video came out, I was among those who took pity on the lady guard and condemned the tongue-lashing “Amalayer” girl. But thankfully, God can see good in every situation, no matter how humiliating. He sees not as people do. He judge not that way people do. I was just amazed at how God really transformed her life from hatred and bitterness, to forgiveness and love. I was amazed at how God’s grace truly restores, truly heals, and truly makes a person a new creation. Now she is being used by God to proclaim His love. She’s now very passionate in her faith, only because when all else around her failed to show grace, God showed up and lifted her in His embrace. God did not fail. 

She quoted Rick Warren and said, “Our greatest testimony can come from our deepest hurt.” And it is true. God will not waste our pain, our tears, our hurts and brokenness because He is capable of making them into a powerful story that can convict the world. With God, our greatest failures are His greatest opportunities to show His power and glory. With God our greatest limitations and weaknesses are His opportunities to show how strong and mighty He is. And with God our greatest humiliations are His opportunity to show the world His unrestricted love and saving grace. 

She went on to describing her past life without God: how she felt useless, how she was lost, how she was confused by a lot of things, how she saw life as meaningless and without purpose. Seems very familiar, right? Yes, because we’re like her. I can’t help but see myself in her story. All in all, God did not waste any of her past experiences. God came through and He’s still about to do greater things! One of the things she said that I like is this: “the key to a powerful ministry is purity and intimacy with God.” And I couldn’t agree more. If we want to be a powerful vessel of God’s message, we should pursue God intimately and live a life of purity. 

It is so humbling to know that God is always giving us a fresh start. I am still in awe of God’s grace that can also be exemplified in my own life. There’s no way of describing what God’s grace has done in me. All I know is that grace is so amazing, indeed. His grace is unstoppable. And I am soaking in His great love for me and I am overwhelmed and I am grateful! To echo the song, “grace, what have you done?” Yes, I can only ask the same thing, too: God what have you done? What have you done that I now have the liberty to worship you, that I now enjoy the freedom of living a life in your presence, that I am now blessed beyond what I can imagine. What have you done to forgive a sinner like me and gave me a new life in Christ? 

Dear God, I can only ask: what have you done? I can only imagine, but I am forever grateful.

Young people crying and pouring their hearts out to God

Post Unstoppable photo: Note the joy on their faces.

Paula praying for the young people who responded during the altar call.

The Team with Paula Jamie.

Jamie and I. Syempre naman! Haha.

Drifter

He's waiting for forever in the battlefront
          while trying to undo the puzzles
that rampage before his bleary eyes
          whose vision is blurred by liquid salt
and muffled anguish that tries to break loose.


He watches the clock tick and tock
          and measure his existence suspended in space
his thoughts wander into elsewhere
          running from grim images from the past and back
that haunt him like mad with eyes ablaze.


But he unsheathes the sword of moral indignation
          and finds in the abyss of his own soul
the infinite light basking in all its glory
          as he charge relentlessly like a roaring lion
and ready to fight all to his King.

(Google image: Painting by Michael Whelan...surreal!)

Beginnings

I like beginnings. The way it reminds me of the limitless possibilities that are there for the taking. I like the way it offers another chance to become better, to leave behind unnecessary luggage that tug you into the past. Beginnings are always a wonderful opportunity to start again, to pick up some fragmented pieces and continue from where you have fallen. You just have to stop at one point, take a detour perhaps, burn some bridges...and just move on. And in every day you find the courage to go forward with all strength, hope, daring and anticipation. And begin again. ©

(Google image)

Ghosts

Maybe ghosts aren't real. And that the only real ghosts are the ones lurking inside of us that we give power to haunt us, like memories or secrets locked up within the chambers of our own soul. Or maybe it's the ghosts of fear and indifference and unmet expectations and broken dreams that torment us, more than anything. Maybe it's the ghosts of our own disillusion. And wanting to break free.

(Google image: This painting by Michael Whelan of a man seemingly disillusioned by so many things is really worth a thousand words. Maybe I can identify with the man in the painting?
Maybe not.)

The Immaculate Inception

In my silence I create thunder,

in my rage I calm the stillness of night,

I am the stars sprinkled in the impeccable sky.

Sprawled beneath the covers

of the glittering palette of the universe

I contain in my palm the eternal reach of time.

(Google image)