There was that gut-wrenching feeling of uncertainty again.
I went to UP-Diliman yesterday after a meeting at the
Agricultural Training Institute (ATI) for a project I’m currently involved in
at the Philippine Rice Research Institute (PhilRice). The meeting went on for
about half of the day.
Anyway, I was in UP to actually file an official leave of
absence from my graduate studies which has been going on for two years now.
Since I enrolled in 2012, I vowed to finish my masters within a three-year
period (actually that’s already superhuman in the Social Sciences), but at the
rate on which I’m currently going with my academic units, I’m guessing that my
time-frame will extend beyond my projected calendar. You have no idea how much
I want a degree from this university. Haha. I was already kind of frustrated
when I wasn’t able to get my baccalaureate degree in UP for some financial
reasons (but I never regret that I finished in CLSU), and I was not about to be
frustrated again in my graduate study. I have no intention of actually quitting
on this.
Reason for the leave? It’s not that I’ve grown tired of
school when in fact I’m all sold out at sacrificing time, resources, and
everything just to consume all my academic units and finish it the soonest
possible time. And for the record, I’m studying at my own expense, and have
relied on my meager income as college instructor before to support my studies.
So don’t blame me if for the past four years as part-time instructor, I haven’t
really saved anything decent.
I took a leave because:
Reason Number One: there were no weekend classes available
for me to enrol this semester. For the past semesters, I only take Saturday
classes because it is the only reasonable time that I have, since I also teach
in the university and I can’t take the minimum 8-hour round trip from Nueva Ecija to
UP Diliman on a working day to attend an evening class and still be able to
teach the following morning in CLSU. I realized am not Superman. But I really
do wish I have teleportation powers. Puhlease! I hope that there will be
available Saturday classes next semester which I can enrol. I can’t afford to
stay beyond my projected time-frame. Besides, I still have my PhD to think
about. Haha.
Reason Number Two: I wasn’t really sure that this is really
what I want to pursue…for the meantime. Emphasis
needed. Well, when I decided to take masters in Philippine Studies, I really
made sure if this is what I want. And there’s no doubt on that. I was still in
college when I decided that I will pursue this field, and I actually enjoyed it
for all the semesters that have passed. But you see, there really comes a time
that one needs to reframe the bigger picture of life, and on what lies ahead.
And in thinking about what lies ahead, I am going back to the past dreams that
I had. I am looking within me and reminding myself of the things that I was
once passionate about. There’s a lot of explaining to do, but I am on my way to
embracing that passion again. I just have to keep looking UP.
It is terrifying to
entertain thoughts of uncertainty, especially on this critical period of one’s
life on which you’re supposed to be settling down or is supposed to be at least
financially and professionally stable already. But life is too exciting to be
predictable. Life is too exciting and liberating to confine on just one thing.
I can say that now I am riding on the surging waves of life’s greatest
adventures. I am riding on this journey ahead despite the bumps, turns, and
twists. I am bouncing on the high road and going on with it.
And no, I’m not a hitch-hiker. I am in the passenger seat, and
God is my driver.
So what else is there to fear?
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