You’ll never think that magic was real the moment you are captivated by it face to face. You got to believe it was real because you can see it, because you can feel it, because you just knew deep inside you that if this isn’t real, then what else is real?
I was already disillusioned that love for me was just a romantic notion of an idealized fairy-tale; that love is nothing but hyper-reality and that romantic feelings are nothing more than that: ‘feelings’.
I’ve already grown accustomed to exclusion and silence ever since my first attempt at a romantic relationship failed and came crashing on me like tumbling flood—it left me devastated at the least. And that is just an underestimation. When you give your all for the sake of love, you’re giving a big part of yourself to that person who came to compliment your existence. And when that person—your all, your reality and dream, your center, your meaning—leaves without promising to return, you feel so isolated, you feel so denied of the right to be happy…you feel so broken that the next thing you want to do was to end it all and vanish.
But then I came through, like all people do. I moved on, like we always do. I lived.
Coming from that experience, I willed to myself to avoid the call of romantic love for the meantime and focus on more necessary matters in my life that calls for my attention; and also to get rid of unnecessary entanglements which have become my worst battles. I almost succeeded in doing that, and I was so proud of myself. I was slowly taking progress. Getting over a painful experience is really hard, but it was possible. It was necessary.
So I was on my way to thinking that love is just a Hollywood construct. I was ready to dismiss it as a myth that has been told to generations so that people can make sense of their world in the absence of a concrete and more acceptable explanations. I’ve grown skeptical about its meaning, and the more I refer to my past experience the more I strongly feel that it is not really necessary to one’s existence.
Or at least mine. (Read: Bitter. Haha)
But then, whoever said that corny, shallow, insensible, exaggerated, hyper-reality quote “love moves in mysterious ways” maybe right, and I admit. I didn’t imagine that love is indeed a force that will make or break you, or a magic that puts you under spell. I wasn’t prepared for that magic this time inasmuch as I’m still not prepared to be swooped by it again. But then, there is no telling what love can do when it comes. There is nothing one can do to rationalize love because love is not an intellectual pursuit, nor a state of emotional delusion, but something that gives you clarity. I realized then, it is not something to be found, but it is something that finds you.
And so, right before my eyes—in the most unnatural ways, in the most unexpected time, in the most unexpected place—it came all of a sudden. Without hows or whys or what ifs.
It has found me. And the world since then was filled with magic.
But I am writing this now not to tell a personal story (really?). Although mine and yours are stories which will always be interconnected in some ways by some invisible thread which holds life and destiny together.
I am writing this for you—to you who once taught me about magic and wishes and stories. I am writing this for you who once believed in the magic of love but seemed to have lost it because of life’s difficult situation and harsh realities.
I am writing this for you, to let you know that you are not alone. That people are there to stand side by side with you, to fight with you, to go with you. Just when you thought that nobody really understands, someone does. Just when you thought you already came full circle in your situation, life can still be better. And it will be. You just have to keep going, like you always did.
Your courage and determination is commendable, did you know that? No one really knows the real nature of your battles, but only because you are keeping a happy face and a head held high in the midst of life’s blows and mighty insults. Your strength lies on your ability to lighten up other people’s burden by simply being there, even though you yourself is in the midst of difficulty. You emit something positive wherever you are. You’re a powerhouse, an energy ball that sparkles even in the dark.
And to me you've given more than you can imagine. You allowed me to know that not everything can be understood by logic or reason. You made me realize that if I rationalize everything in this life, then I will miss the single chance to live. You taught me not to question all things, because not all things can be satisfied with an answer. You made me believe that I am capable of going beyond myself and be better than what I am.
You taught me the magic of happiness. You made me smile at simple things and laugh at the ordinary. You made me look up to the sky, in the light of day and in the dark of night. You made me enjoy the moon and the stars and their patterns...looking at them for signs and wonders, and making fancies and wishes... and that if this moment was already bound to happen, like you and me looking at the same constellation of cosmic objects floating in space, then it was just perfect. Magic and reality became one.
When it came to me that life is a circle of chaos and illusions, you offered me a clarity of vision...you encouraged me to trust again and take the step towards love and life. And when I'm about to surrender to the idea that I will never be good enough for someone, you proved me otherwise. You let me feel accepted for who I am.
You taught me to believe in myself and find courage even when things are complicated or impossible. It was you who taught me that I am capable of loving beyond my heart. To give and to understand more than I thought possible. To let go of myself and be true to what I feel... In the place called life and reality, you were the teacher, I was the student.
Yet in the end, words can not exactly tell it all. I can only say I’m glad and grateful. I will always will.
So let me remind you this time of what you already seem to have forgotten: that magic was real. That wishes can come true. That promises can be fulfilled. That forever, even though it’s hard to figure out, can be possible. That loving beyond your heart, although it seems to be so idealistic, and unreasonable (and sometimes stupid), is all worth it...it is all we aspire to do and what we all wish to have.
And that despite our mistakes and stubbornness, we can look ahead of our life with contentment and a happy heart, knowing that we can never really lose, we will never be defeated... because we have loved so deeply and completely.
And remember, true love exists. And because it exists, it is real. And because it is real, it is possible.
I know that for a fact. Because you taught me how, and you taught me well.
You just got to believe:)
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