Thank you for the broken heart

I didn't like to be hurt. I have ran as fast as I could to spare me from that painful truth that would haunt me for the rest of my life. I've tried to veer away from the high road of moving on and instead preferred to stuck myself in my own, lonely world. I've hoped that this self-inflicted pain would soon drown me relentlessly and fiercely--so that nothing would be left but anguish and regret. All I wanted was to be free and be full and be able to do what I want. Not knowing that the things I could have given my life for were the same things that would take the very life in me.

So I ran away, broken as a man could have never been broken before. I never thought to find grace in the place that I was brought low, and sure to die in. But it was there that you have found me. It was in the pit of misery and sin and hopelessness that your grace have met me. It was in that dark dungeon of self-pity and self-destruction that you offered restoration. You have bought my humiliation and nailed it and left it hanging on a wooden cross so that the world will see that this is how much you love me.

But why? For a sinful, prideful, lowlife like me? How could you ran after a man who have given his life to his own pleasures and vanity and self-seeking ambitions? How could you dare allow yourself and your glory and your royalty to be bitten, spat on and be butchered for me? I have done so much to be more than deserving of what they've done to you. It was supposed to be me!

Now your blood was on me. But instead of blaming me for that, you have pardoned me and have set me free. And in the process you have let me realize that love has to be that way--sacrifice. It's the deepest love, the one that would give life to a person even if it would cause the life of another. Indeed, greater love has no one than this. I thought I've been broken before I've met you. But I was wrong. I was broken on the day you've met me. I had full of pride and selfishness that needed to be torn down. My will and my heart were impenetrable, but your love has broken them down--all for my own good. And it was very liberating.

I thank you for the broken heart, because through it, I have seen everything.