The Force Called Love

Love is a many-splendored thing, so goes the song. And it might be right. Poets and writers and artists and philosophers and skeptics of different ages have attempted to define the concept and examine the nature and purpose of love. But can one really fully grasp its meaning? Can one really have the slightest understanding of a force so strong and so capable without being shaken and moved and changed by it? Can one really come close to defining it without having one's own definition altered once he gets to see what it really IS? What if love is not meant to be defined, and that love is actually a meaning on its own, a purpose on its own: incomprehensible yet fully known, infinite yet fully tangible, multifaceted yet one concrete whole?

Ah, love is a many-splendored things! And it is meant to be experienced and demonstrated.

Happy hearts day! :)

I ain't going back

I have loved you
until love was given
an entirely new definition
I've made dreams
of you and me and painted
stars in our own galaxy
not knowing
that the waves
and the sands of time
would drown them
helplessly.

I have cried like
crying was the only
rational thing
to do, and I have
hoped like it's going
to get better the next
rising sun or the biting of the moon
but drifting apart
is our own version of reality.

Life is a wonder
and to embrace the
unknown journey is its way
so I did move forward
up ahead to what's waiting up there
and in time all was revealed:

that there was more to
what had been
and what could have been
and there's more to
what was left behind
and there's more to
where I've been before.

The journey's unfolding
with all its bliss at full swing
I've met this love somewhere
and it's greater and it's better
this love has consumed me
deeply and greatly
like burning amber
that I can't go back
to what once was.

Siya na nga ba?

We're part of that generation that is conditioned to want the immediate, to desire the instant, to have it all right here, right now. We're part of that generation that is so accustomed to having everything at just the click of the keyboard or at the snap of the fingers.

We are Generation NOW, and that is our curse. 

Ngayon na nagkalat na ang instant sa mundo (i.e, instant noodles, instant coffee, instant ulam, instant food) parang napakahirap ng maghintay. We're becoming a fast food planet. We think that we are getting left behind kaya naman may tendency na tayo ay magmadali. Uso pa ba ang patience sa mundo? And yet, in all of our rushing, and running and impatience, do we really know what exactly are we rushing for? Bakit nga ba hindi tayo makapaghintay?

Relationship? Oo, yun nga ang tinutukoy ko. Let's get directly to the point. If you you're dreaming for a relationship that will make you excited to wake up every morning without regretting why you woke up with that person beside you, then wait. If you want a relationship that will last--the one that will make you believe na may forever--then wait. If you're desiring for a relationship--not the fairy tale kind but the real thing, then learn to wait.

If you want a relationship that will not compromise your faith and your beliefs, then wait. And if you are a Christian who loves God, then pray for someone who has the same love for God. If you are a godly man who honors the Lord, pursue someone who honors Him. If you are a godly woman who seeks after God's heart, then wait and pray for a man that seeks after His heart. Ganun lang dapat, para happy.

We can learn many things about the love story of Isaac and Rebekah. That it is God who authors a relationship. It is God who confirms His will even for a partner. Yes, si Lord ang writer ng love story mo. Kaya matuto kang maghintay. You can always trust God's timing.

Until the moment God says "she's the one", nothing else will ever make sense. Every person that you would try to pursue and every love that you would try to chase to make your life complete will just be very, very much less than what God already had in mind. 

Gentlemen, she's worth praying for. Awesome ladies, you're worth pursuing for.

*Reflections on Genesis 24.

Love Worth Dying For

This love has found me, and it’s gonna be forever…

You’ll never think that love was real the moment you are captivated by it. You got to believe it was real because you can see it, because you can feel it, because you just knew deep inside you that if this isn’t real, then what is?

I was already disillusioned that love for me was just a romantic notion of an idealized fairy-tale; that love is nothing but hyper-reality and that romantic feelings are nothing more than that: ‘feelings’.

I’ve already become so accustomed to solitariness and silence ever since my first attempt at a relationship failed and came crashing on me like tumbling flood—it left me devastated at the least. And that is just an underestimation. When you give your all for the sake of love, you’re giving a big part of yourself to that person who came to compliment your existence. And when that person—your all, your reality and dream, your center, your meaning—leaves without promising to return, you feel so isolated, you feel so denied of the right to be happy. You feel so broken that the next thing you want was to end it all and vanish. Just like that.

But then I came through, like all people do. I moved on, like we always do.

I lived.

Coming from that experience, I willed to myself to avoid the call of romantic love for the meantime and focus on more necessary matters in my life that call for my attention; and also to get rid of unnecessary entanglements which have become my worst battles. I almost succeeded in doing that, and I was very proud of myself. I was slowly taking progress. Getting over a painful experience was really hard, but it was possible. It was necessary.

And so I was on my way to thinking that love is just a Hollywood construct or a cheap fairytale. I was ready to dismiss it as a myth that has been told to generations so that people can make sense of their world in the absence of concrete and more acceptable explanations. I’ve grown skeptical about its meaning and its end, and the more I refer to my past experience the more I strongly feel that it is not really necessary to one’s existence.

Or at least mine. Read: Bitter. Haha.

But then, whoever said that corny, shallow, insensible, exaggerated, hyper-reality quote “love moves in mysterious ways” maybe right, and I agree. I didn’t imagine that love is indeed a force that will make or break you, or a magic that puts you under spell. I wasn’t prepared for that magic this time inasmuch as I’m still not prepared to be swept away again.

But then, there is no telling what love can do when it comes. There is nothing one can do to rationalize love because love is not just an intellectual pursuit, nor a state of emotional hyper-delusion, but something that gives you clarity of vision and purpose. I realized then, it is not something to be found, but it is something that finds you.

And so, right before my eyes—in the most unnatural ways, in the most unexpected time, in the most unexpected place—it came all of a sudden. Wave after crashing wave. It swept me away. Without hows or whys or what ifs. Or any hint of reservation.

Just when I thought that my story could not get any better, you came. And I fell in love with you as clear as the bright sky and as imminent as the break of dawn. I still burst with gladness.

It has, indeed, found me. 

And the world since then was filled with wonder.

But I am writing this now not to tell of a personal story (really?). Although mine and yours are stories which will always be interconnected in some ways by some invisible threads which hold life and destiny together. Like my days and years and my name are inscribed in the palms of your hands.

I am writing this for you—to you who taught me about wonders and miracles. To you who taught me to tell others of their miracles and believe it with all their hearts. And that they can have their miracles, too. And in everyday because of this great love, we are not consumed; every moment is a spectacle of miracles unfolding each day.

I am writing this to let people know about this great and incomparable love that has searched out the lost and has filled the empty. That true love means giving your life for a friend, in total abandon. And so that they may know that true love is possible and that forever is real because you already found a way. All that’s because what is impossible with men you have made possible.

I wouldn’t stop writing and I mustn’t cease talking about you like David—that fearless warrior from long time ago, that giant slayer—when he said “my tongue is the pen of a ready writer” all for the love of his life, his king.

Because you have become the epitome of perfect, unconditional love. A love so profound and so eloquent that it resonates from here to infinity. A love that has filled the great divide between the temporal and the eternal. A love that has broken the chains for those wanting to break free.

I couldn’t believe in destiny within the bounds of human imagination but you’ve totally proven that you hold it altogether in your hands, and the things that happen are all part of that grand and romantic story you’ve written even before the ancient of days has begun.

And so I give no less than my whole heart for the sake of this love. I give no less than my life and my loyalty and my utmost devotion to love you with all my strength. And if my strength would not be enough, my heart and soul will persist to reach out to and seek you first of all. And to let this love fill me up to overflow so that it will spill out and reach to others in limitless streams of grace.

I know that loving you would require sacrifices—to turn my back to so many things in this world, to leave behind ambitions that I have for myself, to get rid of my claims and my crowns—but what else is there to do? Loving you is all-consuming. To turn my back to this is recklessness and foolishness.

Which led me to this place two summer seasons ago: there on the beach one fine morning as we huddled in the sand to seek for your presence. I remember clearly that break of dawn, as the sun rises over the mountain and the dark skies turn amber. Like consuming fire. It was there that you asked for my heart. Every broken piece. All of it. “Give me your heart”, you said. 

But I wasn’t ready. Or I don’t want to. I was tearing apart from the inside and was ready to run away from you again, but you were stubborn. I know I've been so cold with you for as long as I can remember; even though I would always claim that I am yours. But you were persistent. I’ve been running away all this time but you never got tired of chasing after me. Ang kulit ba.

So when you backed me up in a corner, and asked me again in a gentle but persistent manner, “My son, give me your heart…”, I laid down my defenses and my pride and came to you like a cry-baby. My life, my self-worth, and my entire person slowly vanished away in light of eternity.

That was a black Saturday on a Lenten season. And I just died to myself.

“So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart, Oh God
Completely to you

I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all
I'll stand
My soul Lord to you surrendered
All I am is yours”

So at the end of it all is this question: is this love worth giving yourself up to? The answer is yes. This love is even worth giving your life up for.

Loving is bravery

Love is in the air! Or, is it?

It's been a long time since romantic feelings have found its way to my romanticist heart (duh), but luckily, being a romanticist (and sentimentalist) by default means I never ran out of things and ideas and activities and people to fall in love with. 

So I guess, it goes without saying that I'm safe from the debilitating stigma they throw at single people every time Valentines comes around the corner--na unan nalang ang yakapin namin at itulog nalang hanggang dumating ang buwan ng March? I'm always in love, if you know what I mean :)

But the thrill of being in a relationship with another person is of course another matter. And for those who already had such an experience, the reality of waking up in the morning to tell sweet words to that special someone is rather affirming. And for some, a boost in the ego. Haha. 

Well, my own experiences have taught me better things than bitterness. And for all it's worth, they taught me to better appreciate the grandness of human relationships and loving someone; they taught me how to value emotions--the vulnerability that comes with opening yourself up to someone other than yourself and the passion that makes you to be brave for that person.

Yep, I meant that. Loving is always being brave. It is being brave to make someone happy; it is being brave to let that someone know you care; it is being brave to show sincerity and honesty towards that someone.

 But it is also being brave to hold emotions up especially when time is not yet right. It is being brave to examine the motive behind a feeling, the reason behind an emotion, and the purpose behind the pursuit. Even when people tell you that you have to go get it now and go pursue it now but if now isn't the right time for you and you say I'd rather wait--that is bravery! There's more bravery in being Mr. Right, compared with being Mr. Right Now. 

Man, there's so much bravery in waiting than we care to think. 

So, to sum up this rather random romanticisms, I'd like to share this article by Bianca Sparacino that I happen to find in Thought Catalog. While I desist on some of her notions by virtue of some subjective standards, I like the way she string her words and ideas the romanticist's way.

So here it is:

You ruin your life by choosing the wrong person. What is it with our need to fast-track relationships? Why are we so enamored with the idea of first becoming somebody’s rather than somebodies? Trust me when I say that a love bred out of convenience, a love that blossoms from the need to sleep beside someone, a love that caters to our need for attention rather than passion, is a love that will not inspire you at 6 am when you roll over and embrace it. Strive to discover foundational love, the kind of relationship that motivates you to be a better man or woman, the kind of intimacy that is rare rather than right there.

In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself. Wait for it. Please, I urge you to wait for it, to fight for it, to make an effort for it if you have already found it, because it is the most beautiful thing your heart will experience.

You ruin your life by desensitizing yourself. We are all afraid to say too much, to feel too deeply, to let people know what they mean to us. Caring is not synonymous with crazy. Expressing to someone how special they are to you will make you vulnerable. There is no denying that. However, that is nothing to be ashamed of. There is something breathtakingly beautiful in the moments of smaller magic that occur when you strip down and are honest with those who are important to you. Let that girl know that she inspires you. Tell your mother you love her in front of your friends. Express, express, express. Open yourself up, do not harden yourself to the world, and be bold in who, and how, you love. There is courage in that.

Let love take flight. In its most perfect time, it will soar relentlessly, fearlessly. 
Be brave.

*******

You may read the entire article here: http://thoughtcatalog.com/bianca-sparacino/2014/11/how-to-ruin-your-life-without-even-noticing-that-you-are/

Shall we?

I'd like to write
         our life story together

but I'm so afraid not when to start
                               but where to begin?

Would you like to write it with me, too?
                        or would you rather go your way?

Would you create it with me
                   a true and lasting love story?

and read it the rest of our lives
                  all for the glory of His Majesty.

Shall we begin now?

Someday, we'll watch together our love story as it unfolds...in God's perfect time. (Google image)

Three Things

The other night I was at an engagement party at the church. The night was filled with encouraging testimonies and stories bursting with true love—unconditional and beyond measure. And I never thought that it would actually turn out to be my own “re-engagement” with the things that matter most in life. I was kind of reminded—and rather rebuked—about my perspective of and attitude towards love. I thought I already had enough of what love can be; of what it can do. I thought I already had an idea or an understanding of how beautiful love can unfold. But I realized until last night that I was left with no clue. I felt so humiliated (in a positive way) regarding my lack of proper perspective, and I felt so naïve about my experiences with love. With reasons I still keep to myself, I thought that at my age I already came full circle when it comes to relationships. Again I was wrong.

The love story that unfolded last night before my eyes is different. It is different in its capacity to love beyond the human heart. It is different in its willingness to understand. It is different in its unconditional way to forgive. It is different in its faith in the unlimited goodness and unrestricted grace of God, the author and writer of best and lasting love stories.

And since my heart is still filled and bursting with realization (and love), I want to share these three things I learned from what our pastor shared last night. It is actually taken from 1 Corinthians 13:13 where Paul talks about three important things in this life: Faith, Hope, and Love. And with so much anticipation for the God who is in the process of writing my love story, these three are my prayers and affirmations for myself:

FAITH.

I choose to live by faith, not with what I can see, hear, or feel. I choose to throw my life in the hands of the Promise-keeper, knowing deep in my heart that even though I can not see Him working now, I can expect that He is doing something amazing for me and that He will unfold it for me in His perfect time. I choose to believe in the beauty of waiting patiently for something, or someone. That even though I may get tired of waiting and may even be tempted to take a detour and a short cut, I’d willingly submit myself to hold fast to my faith and realize that everything worth having is worth waiting for. And I believe by faith that with God, it will all be worth it.

HOPE.

In this life, I choose to hope for the best. I have a God whose promises never fail, whose ways are far higher than mine, whose thoughts are far greater than all the world’s combined. I choose to hope confidently even in the midst of despair and frustration. When the time comes that my patience and strength is tested with all the mad realities of this life, I would smile at them and let the hope that springs forth abundantly from God’s throne of grace shine in the darkest night and lead the way. That may sound too cliché-ish, but you’ll never know what hope does until you hope in Someone who is unshakeable and unstoppable.

LOVE.

I choose to fill my life with love and loving people. I will not miss every single chance to love life. I will not lay waste the opportunities to show love, and be kind to, and honor other people. Someone said that one had not lived life in its fullness until he had filled every place and every space with love, and leave these places with indelible traces of love. So I choose to live. I choose to love. I choose to let love be the motivation in all that I do. I may get tired of loving people, but the Source of this love will never get tired of loving me. My supply will never run out. It will overflow in such a way that I have no choice but to share it and give it away. It will tumble like flood and leave a mark.

And when it comes to romantic love, yes, I will believe. In true love. In a love that is unconditional. In a love that is self-less. In a love story that is written by the hands of the Master Writer. So I give the pen in God’s hands, and allow Him to work on that grand and lofty masterpiece He has for me. Why do I believe in such things? Very simple. I’ve seen it unfold last night. I’ve seen it unfold in the lives of other people I know who made God the Author of their stories. And it was very, very beautiful.

Well, love has always been idealized by people and by romanticists (like myself, I admit), but only because love is too immense and too encompassing to ever be given meaning and description. Love is too great to contain. But we all have the capacity to know and feel it. Because it is real. In itself, love is a meaning. In itself, love is a reality.

In the bestselling book, “The Fault in our Stars” (and in the movie with the same title), Augustus Waters exclaimed that love is just a “shout into the void”. But I am persuaded to disagree. For me, love is not just a shout into the void—into nothingness—but rather, love is a resounding cry of celebration and an exhilarated shout trumpeting the wonders of life and existence. And spilling over and bursting forth from the deepest recesses of the human soul towards another, love is the greatest miracle, the only miracle, that has ever given this lonely world a chance at wholeness, and happiness, and joy.

Love and Distance

Earlier as I was preparing my usual morning regimen of hot coffee with a lot of creamer and sugar, I overheard my aunt on my paternal side and her husband having a light conversation together with their 2-months old baby, Precious Jirah. I heard tito was playing childishly with his daughter, prompting the little baby to converse with him, or hoping to just make some baby sounds. Jirah seem to ignore whatever is going on around her innocent world. This scene of a happy family enjoying the early morning hours went on for few more minutes.

And this all happened in front of a laptop computer... over this internet communication tool called Skype.

My aunt's husband, Totie, is an OFW in the Middle East. After they were married last year, tito went on to work for their future abroad. Typical Filipino reality, if I may say. I personally know many people who are under this reality--this is all too familiar. And yet for me, it is still too confounding and a little too disturbing. It all the more becomes discomforting and absurd when you think of the reason about why people leave families and relatives behind to work abroad. Do they really want to go abroad and leave sons and daughters in the first place? Or are they just forced to, because of necessity, because of the need to, because of the inability of this government to provide decent work that will provide decent salary and not just to subsist? Okay, it's just my rants. But no apologies.

Looking at my aunt's family...looking at their young daughter--I think about her future and how money from abroad will help build it. And I take consolation in that. Maybe, that would suffice. Maybe for people who leave behind families, they take comfort in that thought. And they went on to defy distance because of love.

Me? Haaayy, man I hate distance.