Love Worth Dying For

This love has found me, and it’s gonna be forever…

You’ll never think that love was real the moment you are captivated by it. You got to believe it was real because you can see it, because you can feel it, because you just knew deep inside you that if this isn’t real, then what is?

I was already disillusioned that love for me was just a romantic notion of an idealized fairy-tale; that love is nothing but hyper-reality and that romantic feelings are nothing more than that: ‘feelings’.

I’ve already become so accustomed to solitariness and silence ever since my first attempt at a relationship failed and came crashing on me like tumbling flood—it left me devastated at the least. And that is just an underestimation. When you give your all for the sake of love, you’re giving a big part of yourself to that person who came to compliment your existence. And when that person—your all, your reality and dream, your center, your meaning—leaves without promising to return, you feel so isolated, you feel so denied of the right to be happy. You feel so broken that the next thing you want was to end it all and vanish. Just like that.

But then I came through, like all people do. I moved on, like we always do.

I lived.

Coming from that experience, I willed to myself to avoid the call of romantic love for the meantime and focus on more necessary matters in my life that call for my attention; and also to get rid of unnecessary entanglements which have become my worst battles. I almost succeeded in doing that, and I was very proud of myself. I was slowly taking progress. Getting over a painful experience was really hard, but it was possible. It was necessary.

And so I was on my way to thinking that love is just a Hollywood construct or a cheap fairytale. I was ready to dismiss it as a myth that has been told to generations so that people can make sense of their world in the absence of concrete and more acceptable explanations. I’ve grown skeptical about its meaning and its end, and the more I refer to my past experience the more I strongly feel that it is not really necessary to one’s existence.

Or at least mine. Read: Bitter. Haha.

But then, whoever said that corny, shallow, insensible, exaggerated, hyper-reality quote “love moves in mysterious ways” maybe right, and I agree. I didn’t imagine that love is indeed a force that will make or break you, or a magic that puts you under spell. I wasn’t prepared for that magic this time inasmuch as I’m still not prepared to be swept away again.

But then, there is no telling what love can do when it comes. There is nothing one can do to rationalize love because love is not just an intellectual pursuit, nor a state of emotional hyper-delusion, but something that gives you clarity of vision and purpose. I realized then, it is not something to be found, but it is something that finds you.

And so, right before my eyes—in the most unnatural ways, in the most unexpected time, in the most unexpected place—it came all of a sudden. Wave after crashing wave. It swept me away. Without hows or whys or what ifs. Or any hint of reservation.

Just when I thought that my story could not get any better, you came. And I fell in love with you as clear as the bright sky and as imminent as the break of dawn. I still burst with gladness.

It has, indeed, found me. 

And the world since then was filled with wonder.

But I am writing this now not to tell of a personal story (really?). Although mine and yours are stories which will always be interconnected in some ways by some invisible threads which hold life and destiny together. Like my days and years and my name are inscribed in the palms of your hands.

I am writing this for you—to you who taught me about wonders and miracles. To you who taught me to tell others of their miracles and believe it with all their hearts. And that they can have their miracles, too. And in everyday because of this great love, we are not consumed; every moment is a spectacle of miracles unfolding each day.

I am writing this to let people know about this great and incomparable love that has searched out the lost and has filled the empty. That true love means giving your life for a friend, in total abandon. And so that they may know that true love is possible and that forever is real because you already found a way. All that’s because what is impossible with men you have made possible.

I wouldn’t stop writing and I mustn’t cease talking about you like David—that fearless warrior from long time ago, that giant slayer—when he said “my tongue is the pen of a ready writer” all for the love of his life, his king.

Because you have become the epitome of perfect, unconditional love. A love so profound and so eloquent that it resonates from here to infinity. A love that has filled the great divide between the temporal and the eternal. A love that has broken the chains for those wanting to break free.

I couldn’t believe in destiny within the bounds of human imagination but you’ve totally proven that you hold it altogether in your hands, and the things that happen are all part of that grand and romantic story you’ve written even before the ancient of days has begun.

And so I give no less than my whole heart for the sake of this love. I give no less than my life and my loyalty and my utmost devotion to love you with all my strength. And if my strength would not be enough, my heart and soul will persist to reach out to and seek you first of all. And to let this love fill me up to overflow so that it will spill out and reach to others in limitless streams of grace.

I know that loving you would require sacrifices—to turn my back to so many things in this world, to leave behind ambitions that I have for myself, to get rid of my claims and my crowns—but what else is there to do? Loving you is all-consuming. To turn my back to this is recklessness and foolishness.

Which led me to this place two summer seasons ago: there on the beach one fine morning as we huddled in the sand to seek for your presence. I remember clearly that break of dawn, as the sun rises over the mountain and the dark skies turn amber. Like consuming fire. It was there that you asked for my heart. Every broken piece. All of it. “Give me your heart”, you said. 

But I wasn’t ready. Or I don’t want to. I was tearing apart from the inside and was ready to run away from you again, but you were stubborn. I know I've been so cold with you for as long as I can remember; even though I would always claim that I am yours. But you were persistent. I’ve been running away all this time but you never got tired of chasing after me. Ang kulit ba.

So when you backed me up in a corner, and asked me again in a gentle but persistent manner, “My son, give me your heart…”, I laid down my defenses and my pride and came to you like a cry-baby. My life, my self-worth, and my entire person slowly vanished away in light of eternity.

That was a black Saturday on a Lenten season. And I just died to myself.

“So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart, Oh God
Completely to you

I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all
I'll stand
My soul Lord to you surrendered
All I am is yours”

So at the end of it all is this question: is this love worth giving yourself up to? The answer is yes. This love is even worth giving your life up for.

Loving is bravery

Love is in the air! Or, is it?

It's been a long time since romantic feelings have found its way to my romanticist heart (duh), but luckily, being a romanticist (and sentimentalist) by default means I never ran out of things and ideas and activities and people to fall in love with. 

So I guess, it goes without saying that I'm safe from the debilitating stigma they throw at single people every time Valentines comes around the corner--na unan nalang ang yakapin namin at itulog nalang hanggang dumating ang buwan ng March? I'm always in love, if you know what I mean :)

But the thrill of being in a relationship with another person is of course another matter. And for those who already had such an experience, the reality of waking up in the morning to tell sweet words to that special someone is rather affirming. And for some, a boost in the ego. Haha. 

Well, my own experiences have taught me better things than bitterness. And for all it's worth, they taught me to better appreciate the grandness of human relationships and loving someone; they taught me how to value emotions--the vulnerability that comes with opening yourself up to someone other than yourself and the passion that makes you to be brave for that person.

Yep, I meant that. Loving is always being brave. It is being brave to make someone happy; it is being brave to let that someone know you care; it is being brave to show sincerity and honesty towards that someone.

 But it is also being brave to hold emotions up especially when time is not yet right. It is being brave to examine the motive behind a feeling, the reason behind an emotion, and the purpose behind the pursuit. Even when people tell you that you have to go get it now and go pursue it now but if now isn't the right time for you and you say I'd rather wait--that is bravery! There's more bravery in being Mr. Right, compared with being Mr. Right Now. 

Man, there's so much bravery in waiting than we care to think. 

So, to sum up this rather random romanticisms, I'd like to share this article by Bianca Sparacino that I happen to find in Thought Catalog. While I desist on some of her notions by virtue of some subjective standards, I like the way she string her words and ideas the romanticist's way.

So here it is:

You ruin your life by choosing the wrong person. What is it with our need to fast-track relationships? Why are we so enamored with the idea of first becoming somebody’s rather than somebodies? Trust me when I say that a love bred out of convenience, a love that blossoms from the need to sleep beside someone, a love that caters to our need for attention rather than passion, is a love that will not inspire you at 6 am when you roll over and embrace it. Strive to discover foundational love, the kind of relationship that motivates you to be a better man or woman, the kind of intimacy that is rare rather than right there.

In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself. Wait for it. Please, I urge you to wait for it, to fight for it, to make an effort for it if you have already found it, because it is the most beautiful thing your heart will experience.

You ruin your life by desensitizing yourself. We are all afraid to say too much, to feel too deeply, to let people know what they mean to us. Caring is not synonymous with crazy. Expressing to someone how special they are to you will make you vulnerable. There is no denying that. However, that is nothing to be ashamed of. There is something breathtakingly beautiful in the moments of smaller magic that occur when you strip down and are honest with those who are important to you. Let that girl know that she inspires you. Tell your mother you love her in front of your friends. Express, express, express. Open yourself up, do not harden yourself to the world, and be bold in who, and how, you love. There is courage in that.

Let love take flight. In its most perfect time, it will soar relentlessly, fearlessly. 
Be brave.

*******

You may read the entire article here: http://thoughtcatalog.com/bianca-sparacino/2014/11/how-to-ruin-your-life-without-even-noticing-that-you-are/

Love Revolution now!

Today, the terms LOVE and RELATIONSHIP are two of the most commonly misunderstood concepts in human interactions. Popular culture exerts pressure on what should relationship look like, and how should love be interpreted or demonstrated. And due to heavy influences of the mass media and social media in our society today, sometimes even the negative interpretations of love get in the mindset of people, especially the youth.

So how should love be demonstrated? What should relationship be about? In this world of many conflicting narratives about love and relationship, where can we find a common ground? Does true and unconditional love still exist?

This four-week series titled “Love Revolution” will give students and youth a deeper understanding and appreciation of human relationships, in view of God’s truth. It will focus on other more important dimensions of love that we often take for granted: sacrifice, honor and dignity. 

We believe that today, the Christian and biblical version of love has a lot to offer to the seemingly distorted concepts that our culture has perpetrated in young minds. But we have to know it in order to appreciate it—and eventually, to demonstrate it to the world. 

Let the revolution begin.

The Waiting Season

I was with some friends the other week at the SM City Cabanatuan for a meet- up and bonding, and we had some interesting conversations that revolved around careers, personal growth, and nothing in particular. Over cups of cold coffee and cinnamon cakes and brownies courtesy of the overrated Starbucks, the four of us--Carlo, Michelle, Steve and I--tried to catch-up with one another with stories in the past, present and future tense.

But the ultimate highlight of the short bonding was the discussion of a very, very familiar topic that all of us could relate with: love and romantic relationships. Seriously?

It seems like it always has to be expected every time people who are now past their first quarter-of-a-century and are still single to talk about romantic feelings and married life. They say it's natural to ask a person who remains unmarried at this age why in this world of over 7 billion people are we still single? I mean, should being single at this age scare you? Where have all the sensible standards gone?

I don't like to sound apologetic here by justifying it's alright to be single right now with all the cliche-ish talk on waiting for the right season, for the right reason, and for the right person. Medyo gasgas na yata ang mga yun. But since I don't mind being apologetic when it comes to these issues, I guess it doesn't hurt that much to throw in my take and a little of my experience that has taught me well. And the hard way.

Note: I don't want this write-up to be that lengthy, so I'll just post it here in a series. Please bear with me :)

Issue No 1. Is the time right?

If you're the choleric type of person and you can't relate with this one, it's alright. Mahirap naman talaga ang maghintay. Especially if in between the waiting period you see no guarantee if what you're waiting for would come. So the tendency here is that we will be tempted to short cut the process just to get there the shortest possible time. We will try to pour out unnecessary attention or misplaced affection to the person we are dreaming to be with. We start to invest time and resources and emotion. At kapag hindi nag-work out, tayo lang din ang frustrated.

Thinking that you are running out of time, or that the person you're praying for might end up with someone else, can be the biggest trap in the waiting season. Wag kang paranoid masyado. If the other person has the same maturity as you have, then who knows he/she might be in the same level of waiting and expecting as you are? Pero wag ka munang kiligin ano? Kung single pa siya ngayon at single ka din, it doesn't mean na magiging kayo na later. Everything worth waiting for should undergo a process.

I remember the life of Abraham on how he waited on God for the promise of a son. He was 75 years old when God spoke to him and said he will be the father of many nations. Man, just how crazy is that? Not only that Abraham was too old; Sarah was also barren. Baog. Gaano katindi yun? It's understandable that Sarah would laugh about it.

 But still, Abraham believed. Abraham waited. But in between the twenty-five years of waiting time--when the promise seemed to have been forgotten and God seemed so silent-- Abraham and Sarah failed in the process. They've tried to handle their situations based on what they know is right at the moment. They made a crucial mistake, but despite that, God's purpose was unstoppable. He can't fail His own words.

You know what I realized here? It is that it was never about Abraham or Sarah or the promised son. It is about the nature and the character of the One who gave the promise. It is all about God. When in our situations we can't see the possibility of a promise, that's because we are looking at the wrong direction. Look up to God who is able to fulfill every promise he has given.

Are you holding on to a promise from God? Is it a promise and a vision of a godly relationship with a godly person? The lesson here: wait upon the LORD.

The best thing that you can do now in between the waiting and the seizing, is to be the right person. As they say, don't try too hard to find the right one, instead, be the right one. You have to realize that there is always a right time for every season in our life. So right now, ano ba ang dapat iprioritize? If you are a student, then it's just common sense that you have to prioritize your study first. If you are a single professional at tingin mo qualified ka na to settle, see to it first that you provide the needs of your family. Baka naman may mga umaasa pa sayo? Wag ka masyadong atat.

Another thing: why not take God seriously this time? You've been wanting to be enamored and be swept away and be swooned and be treated special by a specific person in the past and it didn't end up so well. You've tried to fit in into somebody else's embrace, yet you still find yourself unsatisfied. You've wanted to be loved and feel accepted by that dream boy or that dream girl, and yet you woke up one day to find out it was nothing but a horrible dream. How about falling in love with God? How about embracing the fact that God loves you so desperately that He's willing to demonstrate that love on the cross of Christ?

On a final note, embrace this season of being single as a time for exploring the limitless life we have in Christ. I believe that as we offer this season of our life to the LORD--this season of waiting and serving and seeking His will--He will eventually honor our desires with all that He has promised. And we can only say at the end of the day: thank God I've waited!

My battle-cry

Set me on fire. Let me burn for YOU.