A Million Little Lights

She's looking at the constellation of stars suspended in the canvass of an evening sky when she asked: when was the last time you fell in love? I always fall in love, I said, gesturing at the grand sky. Nah, you know what I mean, she insists.

Well, do you know that the stars didn't actually form themselves into constellations and images that we now know today? That what we see are just patterns produce by the human mind to make a sense of what we see on a night like this?, I said. Lame excuse.

I'd like to believe that falling in love is like that sometimes. People make a construct out of this human emotion and experience in order to make a sense of what we can't explain. But like the stars in the universe, emotions are infinite, unreachable, unfathomable. We cannot figure them even if we wanted to. And perhaps we're just here to appreciate them and enjoy them and make the most out of the experience.

You are my night sky, I said quietly. And my feelings for you are like constellation of lights in a never-ending confluence of time and space. Yet while it is not too profound, not too mysterious, it is true and real. I fell in love with you like a star falling from its place, and bursting forth with intensity nothing could ever stop... so that when it hits the ground it shatters into a million little pieces lighting up the dull landscape of the dark, lonely night.

She looked at me and smiled. Can you hold my hand?, she said. Sparks fly.

And then the sky exploded once again into millions of bright lights and lit up this little, lonely planet which is my heart as I take delight in knowing that tonight, with her, I own the universe.

Shafts of Light

“Careful now”, says Ago Bawing, our assigned local tour guide for my first caving experience up in the cold mountains of Sagada. You know, the terrain could get really slippery from here, he said. With all the caution I could muster, I negotiated my way through the rough terrain all the way to the depths of the cave, holding on to cold, slippery stone walls and wet rocks, or whatever my hand could take a grip on just to keep my balance while making sure that my foot lands on to something solid. The cave is wide and vast and deep. My mind tried to absorb all the details my eyes were looking at, but I snap out of the process just before I got too woozy from overthinking.

“I’ve explored this cave since I was nine”, Ago said confidently, as if that would comfort me in my current affliction. I took that as assurance anyway. Heck, if a kid could have survived all this, what’s an adult couldn’t do? But my already pounding heart and shallow breathing betrayed my arrogance. Not that the air inside was damp and heavy, but this subterranean beauty is truly breathtaking. The enormous hall that reaches as far as the eyes could see, the vast rock formations and the ruggedly incredible landscape of limestone and sedimentary, have something inexplicable to it—a quiet mystery, a handiwork of the Divine.

“Over there”, says Ago, holding up his gasera above his head as high as possible so we can see the formations more clearly and appreciate the wonder that is unfolding before us. Everything appeared golden and classic as light flashes and touches them— like photos printed in sepia. Exploring one chamber after another, either by climbing or crawling up and down slippery slopes of rocks and stones, what gave me comfort in this journey was the light coming from Ago’s humble gasera. It has made the trek easier, every step more secure, and every climb more sure as its light directed us where to go and where to hold. The pathway was rough and perilous, but light made it sure that my feet would land on solid ground.

More importantly, light has made the darkness far less threatening. My Sumaging experience was made more possible with that gasera than without it. There will be nothing but darkness and the cave’s grand beauty will forever be concealed without light to reveal it. Everything made sense inside that cave only because of the light that illuminated it. But am I still talking here about caving? Guess again.

Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path, says King David. As someone who had been in the dark and have tried to grope for something that makes sense, I can relate with that. I believe in the sunrise for by it I can see everything, said the atheist-turned-Christian philosopher C.S. Lewis. He was talking about Christianity as that sunrise by which we can see everything more clearly—like a gasera inside a dark cave. Christ is that Light, the apostle John says. I believe in that for the same reason C.S. Lewis has believed in that.

I was sitting on a pew inside the Church of the Holy Sacrifice in UP Diliman one time while waiting for my evening class to start when yet another sunset got me fascinated (you can’t blame me, I’m a romanticist by profession, LOL). The silence of the place and my beleaguered soul has brought me there. Inside, I marvelled at the circular structure of the church, the circular hall, covered by a circular dome, of course. The last shafts of light from the setting sun that slanted from the open window of the building captured my eyes, and like a spotlight directed my gaze towards the center of the church. Right there, suspended just above the elevated altar was a replica of Roman Empire’s most notorious torturing implement, but Christianity’s most powerful symbol: the Cross. It didn’t take too long to process what it meant for me. The Roman Empire has long been dead. Yet Christ lives. I am the Light of the world, He still says today.

The dark is a threatening place to be. We need this light. Now more than ever. For the night is dark and full of terror…and the Light is our only hope.

“I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” (John 8:12)

Looking but not seeing

This is Ago Bawing. A true son of the Mountain Province, he said his earliest childhood memories were trekking the wonderful mountains and chasing the spectacular caves of his native Sagada. He said he has explored (and I guess mastered) the Sumaging cave--which I had the chance to visit a couple of weeks ago--since he's 9 years old.

Trailing behind him on our way into the deep caverns of the Sumaging, he told us of the epic tales about the place, on how the incredible rock formations were formed, and about how each stunning slopes of lime stones, rock columns and flowstones have their own stories carefully preserved inside this subterranean world. I took notice on how he confidently explained these stories, while prodding us to see carefully on the formations and images with just the help of his gasera illuminating the dark.

He teases and he laughs when we couldn't find the image he wanted us to see. "Tignan niyong mabuti kasi", he says. With his playful imagination, he revealed to us a world only the initiated can know. He showed us the secret places of the Knight, the Princess, the Queen, the Giant Snake, Mary and Joseph, the Cake, the Old Man and many other. I nod my head at every time I figure them out. Then I realized a lesson: all along, I was just looking but not seeing. I was just taking glimpses and not beholding. The two are entirely not the same. It took a man as Ago Bawing to point to me the difference. I laughed at myself.

At the conclusion of our brief exploration on our way out of the cave and upon seeing the light of day near the entrance, I turned around and took one last look at the deep, enormous hall of the cave, probing the seemingly infinite vast dome and absorbing all the stories I've learned about the place so far. I told myself, don't just look...open your eyes and see.

And then I saw it--the rest of the story: God had made everything...and it was very, very good.

A Scandalous Royal Entrance

One of the most controversial truths in the Christian faith was that the Savior of the world came not as a mighty warrior but as a humble servant.

For so many years Israel have waited for the Promised Savior who will free God's people from centuries of bondage and slavery. Nations around them took turns in oppressing them and using them in forced labor. They were subjected to shameful state of existence. But all this time they were looking for a way out. They were looking to God for redemption.

Imagine their excitement when the arrival of the Messiah was announced. An angel from heaven appeared. Yehey! Everyone gets excited and expectant. Hooray! It was their moment of glory. Alright! God will at last vanquish their enemies! Yeaah! A mighty warrior is coming! But...

Instead, God Himself will come down and be with us, so goes the announcement. Oh,great! But wait, there's more! He's gonna come in a form of a baby. He is to be born in a forsaken place called Nazareth, and he will lay his head on a manger with animals around him as an entourage because that's a fitting entrance for a coming King! Then the child will grow and be a carpenter for many years and then will take to the streets to do ministry to call the people to repentance. Great plan! Then he will die a shameful, torturous death after being beaten and spat upon and laughed at and nailed on a cross. And that's it!

But many people just couldn't take that. They can't imagine why God would allow himself to be subjected to such shameful and disgraceful turn of events and to be called the "suffering servant". I couldn't understand, but it is because his thoughts are greater than mine. His ways are definitely far better than people. What he did was to demonstrate a life that we should live--with humility and total abandon to God's will.

God defeated the root of our sin--pride and rebellion--by coming down in reckless abandon of himself and total humility. It makes sense. God defeated pride with humility.

Learning from the masters

Me and Kuya James in one of our Cell Groups trips
to Dingalan,, Aurora.

Today I'd like to honor one of my spiritual fathers whose life serves as a blessing to me and to many people. It is such an honor to be discipled and mentored by someone whose selflessness and generosity defies every law of economics; whose love and compassion to people demonstrates the very Gospel he preach; whose commitment and devotion to God's work proves that theology and practice can and must always go together; whose life testimony shows God's power and delight to bless and provide; and whose faithfulness challenges the crowd to go for broke for the King because it is He who owns everything.

I'm always tempted to believe that you were the one who wrote the Book of James--and for what reason, I need only to look at your life examples to be so convinced. Thank you for investing not only in material things that you abundantly have now because of the Lord, but also for investing so much of your resources, time, and life to other people. You have taught us that investing in people and in God's Kingdom is the best investment we can make. Serving the Lord in the ministry is so much worth it because of servants like you.

I am learning a lot from you Kuya. Our coffee sessions every once in a while benefit not only my spiritual but also my emotional and intellectual well-being. I treasure every life lesson you share to me. Cheers to more coffee sessions with you! Happy birthday Tatay James!

*Posted as a Facebook status dated October 5, 2016,